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This Saint Patrick’s Day is going to be the best one yet. Of course, I say that every Saint Patrick’s Day…and it turns out I’m usually right. As for all of the haters out there, you can just go right ahead and shut your mouth. I like drinking, but that doesn’t make me an alcoholic. It doesn’t make what I’m saying a stereotypical rant, either. It is quite alright to be Irish and to love drinking, and the two have absolutely nothing to do with the other. Just because I wear a funny Irish shirt and have a beer in my hand, you shouldn’t make assumptions.

There are several other drinking Holidays during the year, but the Irish only get the one to celebrate our heritage and culture. Halloween, New Year’s, Labor Day, and the 4th of July are all very fine and good…but where’s the green beer? If I throw on one of my funny Irish t-shirts on Halloween, people are just going to think I’m dressed as a leprechaun.

So, I propose a question to my dear, fellow Irish-American brothers and sisters: Why must we bicker so? We all come from the same roots, so there should be no reason we have to fight about what it means to be an Irishman. Perhaps my partying days will slip past me as I get older, but right now I just want to be happy and drunk. I’ll go to Mass with the old-timers next year, maybe.

I know that the Bible-thumpers and older folks just want people to respect the Irish people. We should be somewhat more compromising this year, though. The more genteel members of our fine lineage are going to have to come to grips with the fact that the only good they can do on Saint Patrick’s Day is giving drunk Irishmen rides home. In turn, the drunk Irishmen will try very hard not to get sick in that kind soul’s car.

I’m not giving up the one time of year we get to be the shining, drunken, stumbling stars of the show. Years ago, people would have scoffed at the idea of “Irish pride”. Our people were looked at like vermin. All this time later, we are now treated just like every other red-blooded American. If that’s not a reason to toast our glasses together and slosh beer all over our funny Irish t-shirts, I really don’t know what is.

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